In the words of the great legend Dori(Finding Nemo), her words "Just keep swimming are immortal values we all should live by. Just keep swimming is more than a saying it's a theme song when you are ready to quit, it's the final lap of the race, hell it's the last breath of air when you are sinking, okay wait MAYBE NOT when your sinking but definitely words that you should live by, we all should live by. It took me years to figure this out, I went through every single heartache you could think of, some even at the highest cost than others, but if I knew then what I know now, things would of went a lot smoother for me in life. But all of those things come with time growth and just going through some shit in your life. If you can find one person who says that they have never had to go through pure shit or just what felt like the fires of Hell, then I will show you a perfect lie. Who reading this is perfect? I'll wait (probably not) No one is perfect and to the ones that pretend to be, the ones that sit high looking low, or the ones that throw stones while standing in front of a glass house. (DUMMY) You can go back and tell them that I said so (don't tell them my name though) let them know that Cookie sent you.
Have you ever felt like the things that you said had to be filtered or watered down just to please someone else? Like you dropped or put up your guard because the things that you really wanted to say were maybe not the best? Where does that come from? Where does the urge to water it down originate? I struggled with this for years and I still do. Don't think that because I have this blog and I post about mental health I have all my shit together and all of my ducks in a row, HELL NO, it's ducks and chickens running all over, it's a mess a hot mess at that, and you know what I am learning to just sit with it. (NOT like my other post where I sat in my you know what) I am learning new ways to just let it be, to be okay with NOT being okay. (Thanks J.C.) This is nothing that is going to be easy, it sucks ass and it hurts at times, it's times when you feel like no one will understand your process or see your point, it's that feeling in the bottom of your belly when you know something is not right, that knot in your throat, that starts to taste like silver settling on your tongue, THAT, That is the feeling this brings up for me the fear of learning to become comfortable being uncomfortable. NO MATTER WHAT "JUST KEEP SWIMMING."
This is a short post but it was just a few things that I wanted to get off of my chest. Just know that YOU are not alone, no matter the case there is help out there when you are ready to receive the help and to put in the work. An old friend once told me" Bad things happen, and you can't do anything about it. Right? Me: Right. Timon: Wrong. When the world turns its back on you, you turn your back on the world ...-Timon(Lion King)